Kaizen Chaos

When exiting a relationship and coming to terms with its mortality, do we romanticize the past, grossly overstating the true value of the relationship as a whole?

This is not to say my marriage wasn’t wonderful at times; yet I’m hard pressed to find very many solid examples. I read my past blogs and am almost disgusted that I’m being “that girl” despite my bloody determination not to. Sure I need to go through the grieving process and whatnot, and that’s what I’m doing, but honestly, I’ve been crying over what and who I THOUGHT I had.

I’m angry because “Mr. Ex” was the one who had the balls to face the facts and lay it on the table for us. No wait, thats not entirely true. A better way to put it may be that he was the one to whimper when I had him by the balls backed into a corner. I’m mad because when I found evidence, or at least reasonable cause, I gave him an opportunity to lie, excuse me, I mean “explain his side” instead of kicking his ass to the curb LONG ago when he was pulling some funny shit. Instead, each time I would desperately hold on, unable to accept the fact that he could possibly succumb to an attractive situation and do me wrong. Me of all people…who could ever do ME wrong? Oh wait, let’s see there was my first boyfriend, and that one guy, and don’t forget that one time so um, A LOT OF PEOPLE could and HAVE done me wrong.

It’s a vicious part of life. Not that there aren’t perfectly nice guys out there but I have a tendency to be attracted to bad boys. When you play with fire…What the hell do I expect? I was the OTS (on the side) when I met “Mr. Ex” so can I really blame the bitch he’s in love/lust with now? Not really. Life goes on and she will be forced to face her own fate and own up to her personal wrongdoings some day. Maybe she’s already paid her dues ahead of time? Who knows. Such is the twisted life we live. I don’t think “Mr. Ex”meant to hurt me. (However, because this is MYblog and MY STORY I’m gonna go ahead and cast him as the bad guy. If you want to hear his version be my frickin’ guest but I’ll bet it won’t be nearly as entertaining as mine.)

So as not to veer off topic too much (’cause I’m about to touch base on a blog I posted online BEFORE “Mr. Ex” but I’ll put that up next) back to the whole “overstating the value of a relationship” theme…Am I the only one to find I’m devastated over the false idea of what I thought I had?  Why must we torture ourselves? Why can’t we look a crappy relationship in the face, say yep, “it is what it is and you’re right, this sucks. Let’s not do it anymore.” and go on to have the wonderful life we deserve? Maybe its just a girl thing, in fact, “Mr. Ex”seems to be doing just that….then so shall I.

Popularity: 10% [?]