Kaizen Chaos

Unfortunately it doesn’t seem to matter how we were raised…society has conditioned those of us in our 20s and 30s to live for the moment at all costs in nearly every aspect of our personal and professional lives. We’ve learned we can get bigger and better things quicker and cheaper than ever before. “Old fashioned” satisfaction achieved through time and hard work has been replaced with a new dimension of satisfaction fueled by the need for instant gratification.  Why spend years working on a troubled marriage when you can swap it for what’s behind door number 2 and start all over with someone who might be more compatible? Traditional families are now the minority and second marriages statistically have a much higher success rate. That’s reality. 

I’m not saying I necessarily agree with any of that, I tried to be “old fashioned” and stick it out as unhappy as I was hoping we’d reach a point of reconciliation and rebuild our marriage but as we’ve discussed it’s a two way street. I’ve met people over the years that were probably more compatible with me than him but it didn’t matter, I chose him and continued to choose him. It breaks my heart to admit and accept the fact that he stopped choosing me. Knowing you’re disposable is not a good feeling.

 What’s done is done. Yes it hurts, yes it’s hard to not be mad or point fingers and take sides. I’m certainly not excusing him for what he has or hasn’t done but when it comes down to it he’s just trying to be happy like the rest of us. I can’t hate him for that. There are alternative ways to go about it but again, what is done is done. We can’t change the past, only look towards the future and move on.   I think perhaps I wanted to be part of such a great family so badly that I pushed aside my doubts about marriage to take a chance. Admittedly, his family was always a better fit for me than he was. For a short while I had it all, everything I ever wanted. I don’t regret it but I’m disappointed I let down my guard because I know better. This will become just another phase in my life. I will get through it and be fine.  

Popularity: 13% [?]