Kaizen Chaos

So I finally got the call I’ve been dreaming of for the last several months but first let me back up a bit and bring you up to speed with my saga… 

A little over a week ago “Mr. Ex”and “Mr. Ex’s” new girlfriend were happy-happy joy-joy head over heels in love having a grand time in Boston. SuperBitch decided it was only fair to ensure a certain skank’s husband knew that his wife ran off with a married man. A couple e-mails and phone calls later all hell breaks loose. (Oops…Did I do that?!) 

As might be expected, “Mr. Ex” called heartbroken and crying about how SuperBitch ruined their lives by talking to her husband and now she was leaving him (“Mr. Ex”) to go back home to hash things out with her husband before they finalized their divorce. He hates me, I’m evil, he’s in love with her and now she’s leaving, yadda yadda yadda.  

The best (hilarious) part of that conversation – “I want new divorce papers drawn up. I’m not giving you anything!” Um, you can’t do new divorce papers genius, it’s done, you signed I filed it’s over with. “Well I’ll write up new ones and sign them myself!” Okay, you do that. :::rolling eyes::: Let me know how it works out for ya.  

A couple days into this he realizes she has been lying to him, she doesn’t love him like she originally thought and she is now planning on going back to her husband to try to work things out. So he’s pissed that his mistress has betrayed him and he wants me to teach him how to investigate her infidelity to him. (ARE YOU KIDDING ME?) And then I got the call…it went something along the lines of:  

“Mr. Ex”:  So what do you think of us getting back together and working things out? 

Elle/SuperBitch: Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME? (that part is verbatim) 

“Mr. Ex”: Well, I still love you and you love me and I know I messed up. I messed up really bad. 

Elle/SuperBitch: Um, yeah, no kidding. I think you’re just sad and lonely and feeling rejected because the bitch you left me for is now leaving you and going back to her husband. You wait 6 months and then see how you feel. Then come see me. 

“Mr. Ex”: But you could find someone else by then. 

Elle/SuperBitch: You’re damn skippy. You did this, not me. I didn’t want this to happen, I didn’t want to split up. I gave you an opportunity to separate and get whatever it was out of your system then we could regroup and try to go on but no, you wanted to take the permanent route and get divorced. That is permanent, don’t you get it? I’m still disassembling our life all by myself and now you suddenly want to put it back together? I don’t think so. You need time alone to figure out what you want. Wait at least 6 months and I bet you don’t want to be with me so much anymore.   

”Mr. Ex”:  I’ve had two years alone. I don’t want to be alone. I want to be with you. I should’ve been with you all along. I realize that now. You have to admit when we were together and it was good it was great. You’re who I want to be with. 

Elle/SuperBitch: Oh, but less than two weeks ago you wanted to be with her. You mean you’ll quit your job and come home just to be with me again?  

”Mr. Ex”:  Well…not exactly. I don’t know that I’d quit and come home…but I do want to be with you.  The rest of the conversation went something like you’re crazy, blah, blah, blah, I don’t think so, yadda yadda yadda, I’m gonna let you go, I don’t want to discuss this.  

Wow. This is every cheated, brokenhearted girl’s fantasy; I’m calling shenanigans! The only thing dumber than him thinking he actually stands a chance of getting back together would be me to allow it. He’s ridiculously lucky I’d even consider being friends after his massive betrayal but any more than that is ludicrous. (Um, that was StuipdGirl wanting to be friends.) Again, I reiterate, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??  

I feel as though my work here is done; case closed, mission accomplished.  :::SuperBitch smiles:::

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