Kaizen Chaos

Being the (almost annoyingly) motivated person that I am I have a hard time taking steps back in life. It’s never part of my plan to step back…the goal is to continuously move forward and constantly improve. My own personal kaizen mantra if you will. Obviously, as I’m so often told, you can’t plan for everything and sometimes you just have to roll with the punches.

As time goes on I think I get a little better at that with each passing day. One can only imagine my discomfort in transforming from a married DINK (dual income no kids) to a fully independent divorcee merging somewhat apprehensively back into the single life in a matter of a few weeks.  I must admit in retrospect, despite what it felt like at various chaotic times, it really hasn’t been too bad. Or, at least it could have been a hell of a lot worse. I’d like to attribute that to me being a very intelligent, self-sufficient woman who was able to adequately cover her ass during a crisis (which possibly has something to do with it) but ultimately, isn’t this really the case with almost any bad time in your life – once you’re through it and look back you find it actually wasn’t so bad after all? You typically learn you’re a lot stronger than you once thought. 

Without divulging, let me just say I feel as though I’ve been dealt more than my fair share of bad cards in life. There were times I seriously thought I wouldn’t survive and sadly, even times I hoped I didn’t. But never again. It is because of those drastically low points I know there is always a light at the end of the tunnel even when it’s nowhere in sight. I dragged my feet for quite some time in my marriage hoping I wouldn’t have to reach this point but alas, it happened and I am dealing with it one step at a time. I feel as though I’m growing as a person at an exponential rate and I am on my way to finally being me and hopefully, being happy. Perhaps I’m putting less effort into finding happiness as I am into changing my perspective on things and therefore, in some ways creating my own happiness.  

For example, I’m currently in the process of moving from my practically brand new house to one that is almost a century old. That’s a bit disconcerting for someone like me. It’s not that I need the newest or the most expensive things by any means, it just goes back to that whole thing about taking a step back in life. However, taking a more optimistic approach, I’ve decided this move isn’t so bad after all because this house is 100% mine and therefore, a step forward. The other day I walked through the empty rooms, most all of which are in need of some sort of repair or updating, smiled to myself and exhaled. I have a new project, new goals and a brand new chapter in my life; this may not be so much of a step back as much as simply a step in a new direction.  

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